What Happens in Therapy?
A Johari Window - it may be interesting to think about whether this applies to an experience of counselling
One of the things that people can say in therapy is - “I never told anyone that before.”
If you’re wondering about counselling, you might like to know about some of the things that can happen*. One is - you might share something that, until now, you have kept to yourself.
1. It might be the reason you came
Knowing something about yourself that others don’t know can feel suffocating or like it is holding you back. You might be spending energy keeping it to yourself - and this might impact other areas of life. Therapy can be a safe place to try talking to someone about it.
There is a tool called the Johari Window** that can be used to explain this - its creators thought allowing ‘hidden’ things to become ‘known’ can be useful for human growth and development.
2. It might come out unexpectedly
A therapy relationship is unusual. Being with someone trained to listen, accept you without judgement, who cares and does not try to manipulate you can make a huge impression. You could end up blurting out some words or emotions that feel shocking. Or like an enormous relief.
In the Johari window, this kind of sharing is from the ‘Unknown’ square – something under the surface that comes out into the open. It is important this kind of sharing isn’t done under pressure and that you feel cared for afterwards.
3. You are deciding, during therapy, whether to share it
Usually, your counsellor is a stranger to begin with. It can be important to take time deciding if you can trust them enough to share something.
Particularly if you have been mistreated, you might want support and want to carefully check out that support before trusting it. Honesty can be difficult for good reason - others can damage us when we are being vulnerable, either deliberately or through carelessness.
Therapy is confidential - but only you know if and when you feel safe and in control when sharing something important.
4. Your therapist might notice something***
Counsellors’ training might mean they are more sensitive to what is happening for another person. Sometimes, they help a client to see something important about themself.
It can be troubling to hear from another person something about yourself that, so far, you have not really considered. It might not help you to hear it - so before anything like that is said, it could be important to know and trust your therapist enough to let them know they have got it wrong (and they might have!)
The Johari window has a ‘Blind Spot’ square. This is for things other people might think or believe about us that aren’t (yet) clear to us. We can sometimes benefit a lot from learning about these but always remember, the other person might be wrong!
Thinking about the Johari Window in counselling
In counselling, it is possible you share things you haven’t even told partners or close friends. Therapy can be a safe relationship with a professional who is not involved in your day-to-day and is not asking for support in return. When you experience care, you might bring up something that you are ready to work on with another person for the first time. You might like to think about it in terms of moving into the ‘Open’ things that are ‘Hidden’, ‘Unknown’ or in the ‘Blind Spot’ of the Johari Window.
* every counsellor and therapy relationship is different and I can only speak for myself and my Integrative training - although I think what is said here about sharing things for the first time in therapy applies to lots of different experiences of counselling
** the Johari window isn’t a tool every therapist would use - it might be interesting to think about whether it is relevant and even to ask your counsellor about it
*** different counsellors would have different approaches to this and you might have a preference - some would try hard not to share anything with you from their own perspective and others might do so a lot
